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Billie started discussion Building by Chapter Title

Hello! I would like some constructive criticism on the first chapter of my story. I would love to hear how I could make it more enticing and fix some editing mistakes!

https://plotfactory.com/stories/preview/d2a698ad-90c5-4e70-8723-97301d8db9f7

Thanks!

(Edit: Some people have told me that the page was not avalible, I think it is fixed now :)