Maëva replied in How do I write a book?
Korra & Lana replied in What Makes a Good Novel?
Holly O replied in StoryTime!
Viola Shadowheart replied in Beginning a Book
CreativeBlood started discussion Any thoughts?
Laviey replied in Constructive criticism please?
Laviey replied in Some feedback please?

hi, I'm 16 and trying to improve my writing please help.

I always loved the rain ever since I was a kid, especially in thunderstorms. I loved the way the booms of the thunder and the loud pitter pater of the rain became a symphony drowning out all the sorrows of the rest of the world. I always loved the rain until tonight….

     A loud crack of thunder boomed through the sky followed by the striking lightning _


 Running through the woods I narrowly avoided the large roots, rocks, and trees. 


Charging forward an imposing building protrudes through the forest it’s just short of the trees shrouded by a grey fog as if the clouds were to cover it.

        Racing toward the building my legs about to give in as my heavy breaths begin overpowering me, faltering the bright flames from the lanterns inside drag me closer to the occupants.

 Staggering towards the large wooden door “is anybody home?” my hectic parched voice attempted to speak louder than the rain and thunder

… no answer 

forcing myself against the door out of breath I bang on it pleading with whoever may be on the other side. 

     “Hello, I can’t make it back home please let me in.”  


A loud crack of thunder boomed through the sky above causing my bones to jump out of my skin.

 then as if on cue a figure in a dark cloak little taller than a dwarf swings open the door and grumbles a “get in” that I could scarcely hear over the rain and thunder.

  I rush into the warm home and sputter out a bunch of thankyous’ as the figure hands me a towel. I begin to dry myself off when I see my savior pull down their hood to reveal her long dark brown curls that lay over her mahogany skin, she’s wearing a long green tunic with a brown belt filled with potions and brown buckled boots. 

         “Thank you again for saving me, it’s bad out there,” I said to her while her eyes tactfully looked me up and down. 

She finally spoke, “Just Don’t cause any trouble”-

 “Theo are you coming for dinner” an older looking woman speaks while exiting the dining room wearing a white apron over a tattered dress the lays just above her low black boots, she looked shocked to find me next to whom I could only assume is Theo.

            she continued looking me up and down and curiously asked “Theo, who’s this young man joining us for dinner?” 

“He would have died outside I thought he could remain here for the night, no?”

             The old woman shoots Theo a disappointed frown I’m sure I wasn’t supposed to see. “How rude of me, my name  is Agnes.” Said the old woman in her smooth voice. 

“And I’m Theodosia.” shyly Spoke the younger girl  

                            “pleasure to meet you, I’m Rowan,” I spoke extending my hand towards Theodosia and Agnes.

  “down the hall and the second door on the right is the washroom, I’m sure you want to clean up.” Spoke Theo.

Once I’m in the washroom I finish patting myself dry with a towel, a light knocking just barley catches my attention, I open the door to Theo bustling in, arms filled with a large thick brown fabric

“Here you can wear these they will be big though I must warn.” Theo looks at the clothes warmly and then hands them up to me “they shall serve you well for the night.” She quickly finishes already turning and exiting.  

The warm wool robe fits like hand-me-downs from an ogre but still cause dry warmness to spread over my entire body. Looking in the mirror to see that my dark red curly hair wetly sags over my pale freckled face almost covering my exhausted blue eyes. I take my drenched clothes and put them in my saturated worn bag and exit the washroom.

Exiting the washroom, the smell of warm vegetable stew takes over my senses and leads me to the dining room, “Mhm, that smells amazing.” Theo nods to the space on the bench next to her in front of the table, so I take my seat actively letting the stew’s steam invade my senses.  

 Well, eating I ask about the ancient forest I had decided to wander in.

  “It’s been almost untouched for years though we live here, we rarely disturb the creatures,” Theo spoke proudly.

“Are you the first to live here?” I pushed 

    Agnes took a long sip from the delicious stew then spoke “The first to live in this forest was a young witch running from the town who wanted to punish her for her power, take her life and destroy all remnants of her. There was a distraction during the hanging, so she ran far to the forest filled with hate, fear, and disgust, the 5 soldiers followed her into a river where she fell. They believed they had caught her, but the stories say she Quickly turned them to fish and ran finding a place big enough for a hideout, so with her magic she gathered the stones and sticks of the forest and created a small hut to survive in. Eventually, she added and added to the hut creating this very home. Agnes cackled “well at least that’s what they say.” The rest of the dinner carried on quietly. 

 The nightfall leaves only the thundering sounds of the strong storm outside the thoughts of the witch and her fear invades my drowsy thoughts, I wonder what happened to her and why she built so big if it was just her. With all this invading my mind I think of the tale my mother told me compared to Agnes’s, my mom’s version made the witch much more villainous. I think about these woods and how you’re not permitted to enter the forest because of the witch, it’s sad how fear can breed so much ignorance.  

The home had many runes carved into it and I’m no woodworker but some of the carvings looked quite new. The warm blanket and robe begin to overtake the body and takes the chill away, I wonder what tomorrow will bring and with that my dwindling eyes take over and plunge me into slumber.

 I awoke early morning my sent being captured by cabbage and broth from the other room. The sun’s early morning dim light filled the room; the storm had filtered out to a quiet drizzle. My eyes finally catch up with my nose as I address my surroundings the dark cedar floors lightly creak as Theodosia shifts from one foot to the other with a white almost luminescent cat stretches out on her shoulders while she lethargically watches me. 

                                   “what’s her name?” I yawn to Theo. 

Her brown hazel eyes flutter open and her lips form an embarrassed frown. “what?”

“the cat what’s her name?”

Theo warmly smiles and reaches to her shoulder petting the cats head eliciting a long purr

“Emersol, I call her Emmy.” She chuckles at the last part 

“Emersol, like the bard?”

She snaps and the points at me “Exactly.” She pauses “I honestly didn’t expect you to know who she is.”

We both chuckle until we are cut short by Agnes’s sharp voice 

“Day has broke and the skies have cleared, you may safely leave.” 

Theo looks shocked at her words but nods in agreement.